Aww..(((Serenity))) I'm in tears reading this too. Eclipse was special..I don't know exactly what it was , but I was very drawn to Eclipse. I remember when she was sick and i too really felt she was going to make it and I prayed for her a lot. I was so sad when she didn't make it and felt so bad for you with all you two had been through.
I still feel some sadness whenever I see her pic..she was such a sweetie..that sweet little face.
Really, I think you were doing what you thought best at the time.
We can always look back and say if only I had done this or that, but I know you love your babies and you were doing the best you could. I know about guilt and a lot you do eventually learn to live with , but it can still be hard when something triggers it.
You love Eclipse and you took very good care of her and you did your best ..that's all we can do.
Don't be so hard on yourself. I like what you shared about the Dove.