I'm glad you shared your story with us. It must have been very hard for you.
The grief lessens but the guilt never goes away.
You mentioned that the people on this forum are probably the only ones who truly understand how you feel, and I must agree with you.
Since I have been on this forum I have found myself being more compasionate about everything in life. There's something about sharing little pieces of your life with these wonderful people that makes that all possible. Thank you for sharing yours with us.
We understand your feelings. Eclipse will always be in your heart.