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  #1  
Old 08-06-2015, 05:38 AM
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Default Losing patience with budgie..

First of all my female budgie is like 3-4 months old. She was brought up handfed for the first month and I bought her around that time.
She warmed up to me quickly and would like to spend as much time in my hands being petted and falling asleep... in the first few weeks.

Now that she's settled in after 3 months I've been slowly growing frustrated at the fact that she pretty much dictates when she like to be petted or wants to come out of her cage in general. She is pretty content in her cage due to me putting in random toys and fresh fruit and veggies daily in it and often just likes to stay in the cage which I don't mind. Don't get me wrong, I take her out of her cage daily for hours and hours and this always goes smoothly. She LOVES to be petted around her head and neck, and loves to be 'cleaned' around that area as well. Whenever I attempt to do this she turns to dough in my hands and closes her eyes and thoroughly enjoys the massage. This is the one thing where she lets me fully touch her to my will. But lately I'm not even allowed to do this that much outside the cage anymore. Inside the cage she is totally playful and relaxed and is much more willing to be petted around her head than whenever she is outside the cage. She seems more nervous outside the cage. This wasn't the case the first month or two I had her.

Other things that bother me is that she NEVER willingly steps on my finger in the cage unless she has a need (her birdseed running low or she is bored in the cage for example). She isn't afraid or nervous around me. I can see that she likes me very much through her general behaviour. It's just that she wouldn't mind not spending time with me if she wasn't dependant on me.
All in all I just feels that her only bond with me are through her necessities. Her wings are clipped so whenever we move around the house she loves being with me. She easily hops and 'flies' to my finger whenever she is on the ground or on another high surface where she feels unsure on her own.
I give her treats, fruits, plenty of toys, put apple vinegar in her water from time to time, in short I take care for her and give her lots of attention and spend a lot of time with her inside and outside her cage, take her to shower where she willingly hopped on my finger the last time to get completely soaked under the stream of water.. etc etc. But I still feel she is just 'using' me in a smaller sense.

I love my bird and she is a sweetheart but I feel I've hit a barrier with bonding with her.
I would like advice on what to do or feel about this, and please ask any questions you have to me.


Last edited by Willickers; 08-10-2015 at 07:14 PM.
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  #2  
Old 08-06-2015, 06:00 AM
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Hello and welcome, your budgie is at the age of what we call the teenage years ! Has she been through her first moult yet? if not she will do so very soon. This happening can affect your budgies moods and attitude especially a hen as she will also have hormones raging around her body at the same time.
What you are describing is normal behaviour, baby budgies will allow you to hold them and cuddle them, however once they start to mature this mostly disappears unless you have a one in a million type budgie.
Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with her not wanting to be petted or held this is not a common budgie trait, larger parrots yes budgies no.

Her cage is her safety zone , she will naturally want to stay there.
Step up training takes time and patience you need to start from the beginning and take it slowly.

What is it exactly you wish he to do as far as bonding?
Most budgies ill interact and talk and spend time with their humans, I am extremely lucky in the fact I have a budgie who I hand raised through necessity he is my constant companion and sleeps with me on my shoulder or snuggled under my chin, but I also except and love my other budgies non the less because they do not interact as much. Budgies have their own mind and personality just like people they can and do make choices. In my mind I think you might be wanting a little too much from your girl a little to soon. Don't get frustrated with her, this will only make the situation harder as she will feel the unsettled atmosphere. read through the training forum tips and see how you go.
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Old 08-06-2015, 06:09 AM
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Welcome to the forums!

From your description it really seems like your budgie already has a great bond with you!
Budgies in general aren't that fond of actively being petted by us, especially so when they are no longer on their "baby phase" (after first moult).
I have noticed this over the years with the budgie chicks I have kept in my flock. At first they would allow me to pet them and as they became older and reached the teenage phase, they would outgrow the head scratches and general petting, they would get more independent and would much rather be preened by a same species friend.
While this behaviour is usually observed, there are some budgies who still enjoy the occasional petting when offered, but this exchange of affection can only be done when the budgie wants to receive the petting.
We shouldn't force the petting to them against their will, because this would only result in a setback when it comes to the trust the budgie has in us and it can ultimately result in biting as form of negative behaviour.

It's also important to respect the budgie's wishes and their personal space, sometimes they just want to relax in their cage and not be bothered, again if forced against the wishes, bad biting can happen as consequence.

When interacting with any pet bird, be it a budgie or not it's also important to have a good frame of mind, to not let the upsets, frustrations and negative feelings show, because our pet birds can easily sense our emotions and react according to them. So positivity is a big plus, being calm and talking to your budgie in a soothing, encouraging and reassuring way does wonders too. By creating a loving and positive environment your budgie will certainly flourish and even be happier.

You really have a good bond with your budgie and to be constantly demanding more of her really isn't realistic, keep on spending time with her and love her the way she is. Your budgie may even surprise you with the love she shows for you.
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Old 08-06-2015, 06:42 AM
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Welcome to talk budgies, not much I can add to the great replies you've already gotten. Would love to see some pics of your little friend...
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Old 08-06-2015, 08:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pretty boy View Post
Hello and welcome, your budgie is at the age of what we call the teenage years ! Has she been through her first moult yet? if not she will do so very soon. This happening can affect your budgies moods and attitude especially a hen as she will also have hormones raging around her body at the same time.
What you are describing is normal behaviour, baby budgies will allow you to hold them and cuddle them, however once they start to mature this mostly disappears unless you have a one in a million type budgie.
Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with her not wanting to be petted or held this is not a common budgie trait, larger parrots yes budgies no.
Hi, good to be here. I've been meaning to join up on a budgie forum for a while now and searched out the most active ones. Sadly most budgie forums seem way too empty, in contrast to the myriad of subforums each one has..

My budgie is going through her molt as we speak, yes.
The thing I don't understand is why she allows the petting more frequently inside her cage than out of it. This is a change in behaviour. Now whenever I have her on my finger and try to cuddle her cheeks or head she moves away and sometimes it takes a long time for her to give up and willingly allow to be petted, and sometimes with no success.
Another thing which is a definite no-no from her is being petted on the back. She absolutely doesn't like this. Yesterday I tried to force this by holding her in my hand with millet spray and petting her back while she eagerly eats it. She tried to dodge away and eat at the same time haha and eventually allowed to be petted while she kept eating. This only happened for a little while but I definitely saw some improvement throughout the short 'training session'. Is this a good thing to do and should I continue testing this out?


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Originally Posted by Pretty boy View Post

Her cage is her safety zone , she will naturally want to stay there.
Step up training takes time and patience you need to start from the beginning and take it slowly.

What is it exactly you wish he to do as far as bonding?
Most budgies ill interact and talk and spend time with their humans, I am extremely lucky in the fact I have a budgie who I hand raised through necessity he is my constant companion and sleeps with me on my shoulder or snuggled under my chin, but I also except and love my other budgies non the less because they do not interact as much. Budgies have their own mind and personality just like people they can and do make choices. In my mind I think you might be wanting a little too much from your girl a little to soon. Don't get frustrated with her, this will only make the situation harder as she will feel the unsettled atmosphere. read through the training forum tips and see how you go.
Nice to hear you got a very affectionate budgie. Mine is like that too to an extent. She loves to hang around near my Playstation controller whenever I'm playing. She just gets on my lap in front of it or gets on my hand or on the cable sticking out the back of the controller and chills out. And she is comfortable in sleeping around or on me as well. She even sleeps on my finger, in full sleeping mode, head in her back and all. Shows very much how at ease she feels.

The things I want at this moment are for her to come to me by my command. Now I admit that I don't have daily training sessions with my 'keet cause I simply don't have the patience or desire for a tight training schedule (I'm lazy).
And I admit that I too think I want a little too much from her at the moment. But it feels like I feel this way because I have been plenty patient with her up till now. Never forced much on her and took things at her pace and I test her limits just before I see she starts to get uncomfortable. Now I feel like I am slowly realizing that she has figured me out and draws certain lines here and there.

I trained her for a few days here and there where I would hold up millet spray in my hand and place my other hand before it , finger stretching out. She is playing in one of her favorite spots and I hold out my hands in front of her from a distance so she has to do a short flight to reach my finger to eat the millet spray. While doing this I say 'come here'. These training sessions show very much improvement during the length of a single session. I did this a few days in a row then stopped doing it. I somehow feel like I won't ever reach the point where she comes to me on command, just only during the training sessions. Doesn't help that I'm a bit of a pessimist but I can't help it either.

Again, all in all it feels like she is comfortable around me and doesn't fear or feel nervous around me. But doesn't allow certain stuff just because 'she don't wanna'. Which I feel may be a sign of disrespect or dominance.

I'll respond to the other posters in a short bit

Last edited by Willickers; 08-06-2015 at 08:09 AM.
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Old 08-06-2015, 08:11 AM
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Your budgie sounds really well adjusted and very friendly.

To put the comparison with my own bird, I've had Jimmy over a week and a half and he doesn't step on my hand at all, in or out of the cage and only comes to me when he wants his millet spray. However, I feel we have a good bond for the short amount of time. But the comparison to how well bonded you and your budgie are should be apparent when you look at it in this way. I'll be happy when I get a bond with Jimmy as good as you have.
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Old 08-06-2015, 08:57 AM
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Hi and to Talk Budgies!

Petting your budgie on the back or tail is not something you should do -- to a budgie, that is a mating type behavior and not something you want to promote.

In general, expecting a budgie to want to be petted (sometimes even on the head/neck) isn't something most are going to accept after their first molt. It simply isn't in most budgie's nature to want to be touched.

Expecting your budgie to come to you on command when you haven't spent time giving her positive reinforcement training on a daily basis is expecting too much. Most animals (including humans) respond to positive reinforcement.
Why else engage in a behavior that isn't naturally instinctive?

You indicated in your post that you are "somewhat lazy and a bit of a pessimist" but "you can't help it either".
Hmmmmm -- it's OK for that to be your nature but it's not OK for your budgie to want to behave like a budgie?
Might want to give that one a bit more thought.

That you think her behavior might be a sign of "disrespect" seems a rather odd choice of words to me.
It's important to realize that interactions with your budgie should be on her terms.
Our goals as caretakers of these beautiful little creatures should be to do everything possible to ensure their health, happiness and well-being.
Enjoyment comes from having them in our lives, not from expectations of them fulfilling our needs or desires.

You've already passed the amount of "bonding" many people are able to achieve with their budgie.
Take a look at the Training and Bonding section of the forum for tips and appreciate your budgie for the wonderfully unique and lovable little girl she is.

To familiarize yourself with the forums, please take the time to read through all of the How To Guides, the FAQs and the stickies located at the top of each section of the forum.
You'll find most of your basic questions are answered after you've read through all of them.

I'm hoping to see some pictures of your little girl soon!!

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Last edited by FaeryBee; 08-06-2015 at 02:30 PM.
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Old 08-06-2015, 02:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aluz View Post
It's also important to respect the budgie's wishes and their personal space, sometimes they just want to relax in their cage and not be bothered, again if forced against the wishes, bad biting can happen as consequence..
I understand this and have uphold this line of thought up till now but reached a point where I started to wonder where the line between "giving them personal space" and "would rather not interact with me" or "becomes less attached" is. I'm trying to figure out if she is becoming more distant or not.
Lately whenever I put my finger in the cage and wait for her to step on, she keeps walking away.


Quote:
Originally Posted by aluz View Post
When interacting with any pet bird, be it a budgie or not it's also important to have a good frame of mind, to not let the upsets, frustrations and negative feelings show, because our pet birds can easily sense our emotions and react according to them. So positivity is a big plus, being calm and talking to your budgie in a soothing, encouraging and reassuring way does wonders too. By creating a loving and positive environment your budgie will certainly flourish and even be happier.

You really have a good bond with your budgie and to be constantly demanding more of her really isn't realistic, keep on spending time with her and love her the way she is. Your budgie may even surprise you with the love she shows for you.
Yes makes sense. I felt like I needed to make this thread and ask for advice and insight because I reached a point where I felt fed up and was all out of my reserves of patience and a positive attitude.
Thanks for the encouraging words.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonah View Post
Welcome to talk budgies, not much I can add to the great replies you've already gotten. Would love to see some pics of your little friend...
Here she is!
Click for bigger pics

^First day I got her





Gotta say she doesn't look as pristine white today anymore. Her feathers have become kinda dirty brownish. She has a new large wing feather growing which is snow as white. It really stands out against the surrounding brownish white feathers. What to do against this?



Quote:
Originally Posted by Therm View Post
Your budgie sounds really well adjusted and very friendly.

To put the comparison with my own bird, I've had Jimmy over a week and a half and he doesn't step on my hand at all, in or out of the cage and only comes to me when he wants his millet spray. However, I feel we have a good bond for the short amount of time. But the comparison to how well bonded you and your budgie are should be apparent when you look at it in this way. I'll be happy when I get a bond with Jimmy as good as you have.
Was your bird brought up handfed? Because mine was. And she was just a month old when I bought her. I think that gives a budgie a huge edge on being trustful of humans and their hands. If your bird wasn't handfed and you bought her after she was a few months old and spent all that time in a petstore with other birds than it's to be expected that the bird isn't as easy to work with as mine.
Thanks for the positive reinforcement. It really puts me in a much needed perspective on my relationship with my budgie.
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Old 08-06-2015, 02:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Willickers View Post
Was your bird brought up handfed? Because mine was. And she was just a month old when I bought her. I think that gives a budgie a huge edge on being trustful of humans and their hands. If your bird wasn't handfed and you bought her after she was a few months old and spent all that time in a petstore with other birds than it's to be expected that the bird isn't as easy to work with as mine.
Thanks for the positive reinforcement. It really puts me in a much needed perspective on my relationship with my budgie.
No, he came from a regular pet store.
I knew that he would be unfriendly and any bonding we did would come from trust I built between us and despite issues with mites, this was the budgie I fell for. I had previously been to a pet store where they had tame budgies and I knew getting one from a pet store he wouldn't be as friendly but what can I say, I fell for Jimmy.
And the pictures you posted are adorable. You and your girls bond is my relationship goal with my budgie now. She really is a little darling!
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Old 08-07-2015, 01:50 AM
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Hello and welcome to the forums!

It's lovely to have you with us, you've definitely come to the right place

I think you're doing great with your little one (who, by the way, is a beautiful budgie! ) and I agree that she's in her "teenage" stage, which is frankly the biggest test of your relationship. She does love you, just like you still loved your parents when you were 15 or 16 and they annoyed you. Give her some time to adjust and continue working with her. My hen was not hand raised but by the stage you are at, I had a good bond with her, and suddenly, she got really moody, she bit me a lot more than usual, and hated coming out of her cage.

Two and a half years later, she's a sweet little one, though she has her moments

I agree with the petting thing, my hen hates being petted, not that I try since unless I'm giving her a perch she glares and my hand

I'm sure she'll be less moody in a few months, and during this time, just spend lots of time with her, not necessarily trying to get her out of the cage. I think you guys are a great pair!

Thanks for posting those pics of your little girl, she really is beautiful

Hope to see you around the forums and feel free to ask about anything you're wondering about as we'd love to help!
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