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-   -   It's with a heavy heart... (https://www.talkbudgies.com/memory/247369-its-heavy-heart.html)

briannecrystal 11-18-2014 12:58 PM

It's with a heavy heart...
 
5 Attachment(s)
I can't believe I'm typing this.
I haven't been active in the forums for awhile, but I guess now is one of those times to be...
Yesterday when I got home, without even having to say it since I saw the look of sorrow in her face, my mom broke the news to me that my little boy Buster had died while I was gone.
I don't know what was wrong with him. He started showing signs of being sick no more than a week ago. I noticed he was puffy and not as active. He was only interested in eating millet and struggled to eat regular food. 2 days ago he started venturing towards the bottom of the cage. I was hoping he was just going through a bald molt and just needed time to rest, but unfortunately I was wrong. Before I left yesterday morning I left money for my mom to hopefully buy something to aide in his molting, something to put vitamins in their water, etc. But (though I don't know if she ever did purchase anything), it was in vain.
I fully intended to bring him to a vet as soon as I could. I remember Boba going through a similar thing, but he had been sick for about a month before passing...I guess whatever Buster was going through wasn't going to allow that sort of time.
I'm still in disbelief. When I came home yesterday I immediately broke down into tears. I felt horrible that I wasn't there for him in his final moments, not knowing how long his lifeless body was lying by itself (I had separated him from Yuri and put him in a smaller cage during this period of time of him being sick).
I tried to keep him warm, fresh food and water, a quiet area, etc. I really had hoped he was going to make it through his cold or whatever it was...but I guess not.
He was only 2-3 years old (I had him for 2 years, being x amount of months old when I got him). He was always happy and healthy, very social, always singing and bobbing his head, loved interacting with our other budgies, etc.
Now I'm left with Yuri, and she has no real interest in human interaction, and now I fear I will lose her soon too, though she isn't showing signs of being sick. I feel like I must be doing something wrong since it's only 2 years later I lose another bird.
Granted I have gotten my birds at pet stores but I didn't think that would seal their fate. My ex has a budgie (Meeko) that is about 10 years old, and he got her from PetSmart or one of those types of stores...
Regardless, it doesn't matter now, he is gone. I don't know if I will have him buried alongside Boba, or if I will have him buried somewhere else...or possibly even cremated, but it's hard to think about.
I've felt like I'm about to puke at any moment. Sleep has been very hard for me, waking up to hearing Yuri squawking gave me a real uneasy feeling. Knowing she's alone now...and I don't know if it's worth it to get a friend for her...
To say that I'm feeling defeated is an understatement. I'm feeling very hopeless...
Buster was one of the few reasons I kept fighting on with my battle of depression and heartbreak with my other issues in life...and now he's gone. I still love my little girl Yuri, but she is not interested in bonding like that, and I will not break her spirit just to force her to be near me or whatever.
What also hurts is that very few family members and friends have said anything to me about this (since I've posted on Facebook and other sites). I feel like people just ignore it because it's "just a bird", "it happens", etc.
I am feeling very angry at the world for a number of reasons, but losing Buster
has made me feel extremely bitter. Life really isn't fair.
Thanks to anyone who actually reads through this rant.

Jonah 11-18-2014 01:12 PM

Very sorry your little bird has gone. Our pet's can be an amazing boost for us, and there are many folk's who can relate to what your saying. For most of us here, they are more than just a bird. Perhap's you will get another to bond with and keep yuri company too. Even though she has not shown interest in bonding, she is probably missing her friend....:hug:

jellyblue 11-18-2014 01:25 PM

Rest in Peace, sweet handsome Buster. His cute face and happy song will be in your heart forever. Poor Yuri misses her best friend. So sorry for your loss. Hugs to you both, and take care of each other.

Cheesepusher 11-18-2014 01:40 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. Buster was a beautiful boy.

Cozette 11-18-2014 02:15 PM

299 Attachment(s)
I am so sorry for your loss.

FaeryBee 11-18-2014 03:15 PM

I'm very sorry for your loss of little Buster. :hug:
It is because of Love we Grieve
and
Because of Love we are also comforted
in our Sorrow

In Memories, may you find Healing
In Time, may you find Peace
In the Power of Love, may you find Comfort.

Fly High and Free little one -- Rest In Peace.

despoinaki 11-18-2014 04:01 PM

I am so sorry for your loss....
Rest in peace little one...

justmoira 11-18-2014 04:11 PM

I am so sorry for your loss *hugs*

Vargur 11-18-2014 04:40 PM

I am so very sorry for Buster.
I know how it is and I know how people can be, some people also just dont know how to react and dont know what to say.
Some just dont care, when I lost my cat (rip my sweet angel) it was like people didnt care. I had her for 8 years, there are three months since it happend and I still cry, she was my best friend. I told her everything.
But you still have wonderful memories and I am sure he had a good life with you.
Dont be sad that people cant share your pain, be happy with the time you spent with him and you still have your beautiful Yuri :)

Juhi 11-18-2014 07:44 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. Rest in peace little Buster.


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