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Go Back   Talk Budgies Forums > Budgie Talk > In Memory


In Memory Tributes and Memorials to Budgies which have moved on to the Rainbow Bridge
Thread Description:tough stuff

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  #1  
Old 10-07-2015, 04:37 PM
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Default Grief and guilt

Hi.... Cody died about 5 weeks ago and I can't seem to move beyond the guilt. In the end, I believe Cody (who was my unflighted budgie) was caught by one of our dogs and killed. We don't know that 100% ... but that is my most educated guess.
I consider myself a cautious bird owner and try to be very aware of bird safety, especially with my landbound Cody. He was great about asking for rides and using his ladders and ramps.
It happened fast.

I'm grieving for his loss... he was my favorite... but I'm also very stuck with feeling guilty. I didn't protect him. Bottom line.

I'm dealing with this by not being on the forum as much as before, it seems. So.. I'm trying to let go of some of the guilt... My husband has helped me with that tremendously.. It was an accident. It happened. I can't change it.
I've even lost some of my energy for my remaining flock. And I feel guilty for that, too.
Faerybee had an idea that I think may help: I have one little guy who seems to get left out without Cody.. She thinks spending some time and working with him would help him feel more bonded... So I think it will actually help me more than PJ.
Thanks for 'listening'... Guilt can be a powerful emotion.
I'll post my progress or lack thereof... lol.. as I go.!!

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Old 10-07-2015, 04:46 PM
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Judy, I'm glad you are taking step's to remove yourself from the guilt...
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Old 10-07-2015, 07:27 PM
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Judy,

I can imagine how you must feel.

A few years ago, I rescued two baby robins within weeks of each other. The first, Sprinkles, was barely fledged and couldn't fly. I kept her in a warm box and once she recovered a little, figured it would be fine to let her outside to see if her mom was trying to find her. The mother came, fed her, flew away, and suddenly a cat sprang out of the bushes and killed her in front of me. I still feel guilty and horrible. If I hadn't let her out so early, or kept her in the box, or something, she would have made it. The guilt was twice as bad because the second robin, Image, who I found and rescued later in the week, died in the same way overnight. I was crushed. The babies had been healthy, full of life, crippled and doomed because they had fledged too soon and I was convinced that by not protecting them, I had killed them.

It was an awful feeling. But I believe that even though I couldn't save them, I tried to help them and I cared as best I could for them while they were with me. Although they didn't stay long, they taught me that as long as I did everything I could to help them, my conscience was free of guilt because there was no way I could have prevented it at the time. This helped me move on and now I know that I will always do my best to care for my animals so when the time comes and they are taken from me, I will not feel as guilty, even if I feel I could have made a difference.

You took such good care of Cody I know he wouldn't blame you in the slightest for what happened. You are a conscious, caring, proactive and benevolent parent to your flock and no matter what happens, rest easy knowing that they had the best life could offer with you.

Take care of yourself
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Old 10-07-2015, 07:56 PM
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Judy, I'm sorry you're struggling with this. It's a powerful emotion when it gets you. Accidents happen unfortunately , that's why they're called 'accidents'. I hope you can get past the guilt soon. I think you're a good bird mommy . Best wishes with PJ!
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Old 10-07-2015, 08:14 PM
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You need to let go. No one can control every minute of every situation. Unfortunately, things like that happen. Cody is in a better place now and he loves you.
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Old 10-07-2015, 09:11 PM
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Eduardo is right. Sometimes the best thing to do is to let go. I know this is especially hard, and no one expects it to be easy. There really was nothing you could have done to change the situation, and I do feel your pain. I have had a lot of fish, all betas, and whenever they would die I would wonder if I did something wrong.
I hope that you feel better and remember that Cody is somewhere better now
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Old 10-07-2015, 09:51 PM
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Judy firstly please remember a lot of what you re feeling is the actual grief itself, the loss of a loved budgie is never easy and we do not want to let go of their mortal bodies as such. Nobody is ready for this. Cody was such a character he was and still is in your heart, You can not know for certain that the dog di un fact get him, he could of had a heart problem, a seizure, anything The fact is his time came for him to go to the Angel Flock. SO please release the guilt and remember your sweet little man as he was.
We are all here to help and I agree with Deborah's idea , concentrate on your little misfit to help ease the pain and struggle.
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Old 10-07-2015, 10:04 PM
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Judy,

I am so sorry for the loss of Cody. Allow yourself time to grieve, but please do not hold the guilt inside of you. There really was nothing you could have done. Hindsight can play cruel games with our minds.

~Sending peaceful feelings your way~
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Old 10-08-2015, 12:51 AM
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I don't think you all can know how helpful your comments are to me. I so appreciate you for writing ... Thank you all so much..
And, as Cathy has dubbed him, my little misfit PJ thanks you too.
(Cathy... that fits him to a T. He's been a little misfit always.... Cody was sort of nice to him.. Now he's mostly just hangin' by himself... sometimes one of the others hangs out with him!)
Anyway, here's to letting go and moving on. PJ... here we go,buddy.
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Old 10-08-2015, 01:58 AM
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You and PJ will be a great team. Cody would be happy that you are helping PJ just like you helped him. That is Cody's legacy to you, your love and good care continues with PJ and the rest of the flock. An accident is something you cannot control.
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