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Kokos 09-14-2016 08:36 PM

Goodbye my baby boy
I've waited for almost 3 weeks now to post this since it's been so hard, but my 1.5 year old baby bird Kokos had to be put to sleep due to a cancer tumor. It all happened in a matter of two weeks and at first the vet said to treat him for an infection, which turned out to be the tumor.

I honestly don't know how to move on from this. The images of his last days of suffering keeps reappearing in my mind. When the antibiotics didn't work after 5 days, and his legs started giving in and he kept threwing up food without any energy (these were by far the hardest parts), we knew the pain was too much for him, even on pain reducive meds and had to make the tough choice.
I can't get those images out of my head. It's haunting me and I feel nauseous and get severe stomach pains. It just hurts so badly.

Right from the moment I met Kokos I knew he would become the most gentle little bird I've ever come across. I spent so much time with him that I quickly got him hand tame and soon tame enough to hang around on my shoulder and head around the house. He even followed me into the bathroom every time I took a shower, chirping happily. He loved to look outside the windows whenever I took him out to the balcony. He always seemed so peaceful.
Sometimes he liked to fool around and hang upside down on our laundry or (try to) attack plants he had no business in.
I always got to cuddle him and put my chin and nose against him, sometimes even my fingers. He slept on my shoulders alot.
The last month of his life was the first and only 2 times he flew to me on purpose. That's when our bonding got the strongest.

It's all so cruel. I love him so much it hurts my very being still today and I expected at least the avarage 8 years with him, since my earlier bird since a few years back lived to 10 1/2.

I'm so thankful I got to spend this time with him and give him the most wonderful life even if it was a short one.
I just don't know how to handle the pain. Some days I think it's fine and then all of a sudden an image flashes by and my heart aches so bad. I just feel like breaking down gasping for air. It's hard to believe such a small animal from such a short time could cause so much despair, but when I love a pet I give it my all - and my dear, gentle, absolutely perfect little Kokos was more special than any other pet due to his loving, curious and gentle nature.

It all happened so quickly and I just wish I could forget the last two weeks of forcefeeding him meds all for nothing. I wish I would've known oh god it feels like a can't breathe, I just feel like I want to rip out my hair and scream at moments like this. This has got to be the rawest of human emotion and I miss him so dearly it hurts to the core.

I don't know why but it feels like we were meant to be together. We were a team.

I'm sorry for the long post but I just had to finally put all my heart ache into words for the sake of my own sanity. I hope this will help me to move on.
Thank you for taking your time to read this, it means a lot.

Sassy 09-14-2016 09:11 PM

I am so very sorry for your loss :hug: Losing them anytime can be devastating, but losing one so young, and so traumatically it so hard :( Please don't be hard on yourself. You tried so hard to help him, but some things just can't be helped.

I know it sounds cliche, but gradually the trauma of it all will lessen and be replaced by your happy memories of sweet Kokos. Until that day, be gentle with yourself. Take time to grieve. Don't let anyone tell you how or how long you should grieve. It's all individual.

Fly free Kokos :angel:

RavensGryf 09-14-2016 11:45 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss of your precious Kokos. I wish there was something I could do to help lessen the pain you're having to endure. This is the worst part about loving another being so deelply. As said above, and although it does sound cliche, the pain will indeed lessen over time, and make way for special memories that won't bring the type of pain you're feeling now. I promise. :hug:

LynandIndigo 09-15-2016 12:22 AM

I am so sorry for your loss of Kokos. It is hard to say goodbye to loved pets. I had a budgie to that had a tumor his name was buster and he had a lump on his gland he had to have an operation and it was removed but then he only had 6 months after that. I was heartbroken and i felt helpless cause there was nothing else i could do he had cancer. I had buster for 6 and a half years. But Koko's was so young.. I do know what you are going through. We are here for you. I cried when i read your post.. Maybe one day when the time is right you might like to try again and give a little bird a loving home as there so many don't have loving homes. You will know when the time is right... Kokos you were very much loved by your mum.

Kokos you are my special little baby boy
Always loved and never Forgotton.
You are not gone.
My journey has just begun
Life holds so many things
as this earth was the only for me
Just think of me as resting
from the sorrow and the tears
in a place of warmth and comfort
where there are no days and years.

I will always love my beautiful Mum
She gave me a place in her heart.
Koko you will never be forgotton
And you will always be forever loved
forever and ever in our hearts.
Now i have another Journey to for fill

I am the Angel of your eyes
Your Angel so high up in the Sky
Where you will see a bright shinning Star
Just Blow a kiss up in the Sky
For I will be there Close By
Where i will watch over you each and every day.

I made up the poem for you.

Rest in peace and fly high in the sky Koko's.

justmoira 09-15-2016 01:00 AM

I'm so so sorry for your loss of Kokos :hug:

Niamhf 09-15-2016 09:06 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have no words to ease your pain as I know how very deep it runs. Please take comfort in knowing that Kokos is no longer suffering and he was blessed to have you by his side through his illness. I'm sending you my best wishes and hope that a brighter day is soon to come for you.
RIP Kokos.

FaeryBee 09-15-2016 12:25 PM

I'm very sorry for your loss of darling little Kokos. :hug:

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free.
I'm following the path God laid you see.
I flew to Him when I heard His call
I had to go and leave you all..

I could not stay another day
To chirp, to fly, to preen, to play.
All things undone must stay that way
I found my peace at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A song, a snuggle and many a kiss
Oh yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savoured much
My happy home, my Mommy’s touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
Don't spend yours now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and peace to thee
God wanted me now; He set me free.

Modified from poem written by: Janice M. Fair-Salters

Fly high, soar free and rest peacefully now sweet Kokos

WeasleyLover 09-16-2016 01:00 AM

I am so very sorry for your loss! :( Fly free Kokos!

StarlingWings 09-16-2016 02:43 AM

I'm heartbroken for you during this time--it's obvious that your little one was a very special part of your life. Take comfort in knowing that all his time with you was very well spent--he loved you just as you loved him. Now he is watching over you always, his song in your heart to remind you that he's not truly gone from your memory.

Rest in peace darling Kokos, rest well.

My thoughts are with you :hug:

aluz 09-16-2016 03:09 PM

I'm so sorry to hear this...:( It's never easy to part with a much beloved and special little friend, you have my deepest sympathies.
I'm sure Kokos knows and appreciates all you have done for him, he will forever be close to your heart.
I hope with time and as you begin to heal that you will take solace and comfort on the happy memories of the good times you had with your precious boy, surely that's how Kokos would like to be remembered, when he was well and happy.

Rest in peace, little Kokos. You were much loved and will be missed.

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