Yes, I have lost people before. My heart has felt this pain before. I have cried before. But all those past experiences do not matter now because for the first time in a really long time a story has to end.
It was the summer of 2016, we were excited about getting two budgies. I went to the market just opposite Red Fort and got two amazing baby budgies, both male. My second purchase was a big cage so they can enjoy moving around and are able to open their wings to the fullest.
After reaching home, I offered food but they didn’t eat. They were scared of the new environment. It took about a week for them to get acquainted with my place. Both were shy at first but then they started opening up.
I had a responsibility now. Although I did have some idea that these budgies will be like babies to me but I never thought I would get so attached. There is no denying there were moments when it felt overwhelming but the joy was more than the fear.
After about a month an accident happened and one of the budgies that we named Chittu died. This was devastating. For a week I could not think of anything else. It took me a whole month to come out of grief. We did get another budgie who looked just like him so that Mitthu, the other one, would not feel alone. We even named the new guy “Chittu” because we couldn’t forget his predecessor.
Slowly Mitthu became lazy. I know something was wrong. There were days when he will just be sleepy and not respond to anything for half a day. But he would always come around and we would forget about it. Corn and Apple Cider Vinegar used to help him a lot.
Four years passed. Everything was like heaven. Sure my babies used to fight but they also loved each other.
One day we noticed Mitthu’s left eye swollen. Although I had noticed a white dot in his eyes for quite some time, nothing seemed to be wrong as he was playful. I got an appointment with a vet for video consultation. Going to a vet physically was not an option because of the Covid-19 situation. He prescribed a few medicines and a supplement. Mitthu was on treatment. From day one, the condition of his eye started to improve.
About ten days passed and he was almost fixed. But the white dot in his eye was still there and it now appeared like a cataract.
Suddenly he became sick. In the evening he stopped moving, he wouldn’t eat food and started to sleep all the time. Somehow I knew it was the end for him. The next day in the afternoon he came at the bottom of the cage. His legs got stuck and he did not have energy to even take his legs out. My father moved him out of the cage and put him on the floor. He couldn’t even stand as his legs would just slip. We put a piece of cardboard at the bottom of the cage and put him there. I decided to allow him to leave peacefully.
After about an hour or less, I went back to check on him. Mitthu was gone. His beak was touching the cardboard as if a baby was sleeping on his stomach. His eyes were open as he couldn’t close them. I got a few tissues from my sister and wrapped Mitthu around. It felt like I was carrying the body of my kid. He was in my palms. With one finger I could feel his head. I tried to close his eyes but was unable to. I couldn’t bear the pain. I wrapped him around more tissues and got my father to bury him. I was about to cry. I ran to the toilet and started crying.
Now Mitthu is not with us. Both babies that came to our house together are not here. It’s the second day and all I see is faces of both my babies. I see them eating inside the cage. I see them eating on my palm. I see them licking my hands. I see them kissing my nose and lips. I just can’t bear this pain.
Yes, I felt the exact same thing back when Chittu died in 2016. But this time the pain is different because of them are gone now. The story of both Mitthu and Chittu has come to an end.
In time I would come out of this grief. I would forget how it’s feeling now. But that thought gives me even more pain. I don’t want to let them go. I am not ready to. I don’t want to be in a time when their lives do not matter to me and it is not about me it is about them. To be in a time when I don’t remember them or they don’t matter is unjust.
So sorry for your loss. The pain you are feeling is a normal part of losing someone you have loved, there never has to come a time when you will forget and the love and friendship you shared will always be with you. Blessings to you at this difficult time. Fly high sweet Mitthu
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave bereft
I am not there, I have not left.
Mary Elizabeth Frye
Fly high and soar freely darling Mitthu; rest peacefully now wee one.
I'm so sorry for your devastating loss of darling Mitthu. It's never easy to lose a beloved friend, especially when they have meant so much to us for so long. It's obvious you cared for him very much and I know he knew that during his time with you.
Remember, he will never truly leave you as long as he remains in your heart.
Fly high, sweet Mitthu. Rest easy among the stars
My warmest thoughts to you during this difficult time.
and Princess Mallorn!
Thank you to Deb for her wonderful Faery magic