Pee wee died just two days ago and I miss him and the routine we had going every morning and through out the day. I'm feeling some guilt for having to go to work for a couple of hours the day he died, I cried about that yesterday, but I'm not in a position to skip work. Still, I feel very down thinking about him, he wasn't in any pain, he just lay there quietly on a soft towel, opening his eyes a little when I spoke to him and stroked his back. I stayed until the last minute, gave him a kiss, telling him we loved him and would miss him, that if he died while I was gone, to know that he made us very happy for the past nine years. I couldn't believe his will to survive, that morning he was slouched over so far on his perch it's a wonder he didn't fall off. I didn't realize that he was losing the use of the good leg he was standing on for the past couple of weeks until I placed him on the bottom of his cage on the towel. He took some water, and really wanted to eat, this was something I found amazing considering he was dying. I went down stairs and brought him up a cheerio, and a piece of cookie and found he didn't even have the strength to bite it, so I ground them up in a tiny pile. This was not something I ever gave him to eat, he had all the proper food as a rule, but knowing he would die I just thought to heck with it, I just wanted him to have something he would love that day. He ate like he was okay off and on, stopping to close his eyes after every few bites, sometimes I thought he was finished with it and tried to remove it as he lay his head down exhausted, but he dragged himself over to a piece of food with his wings. Watching him do this I just kind of shook my head through the tears, he wanted so much to live I'm thinking and he fought to be normal until the end.
I thought of nothing else while I was at work, I work at a school where the children keep me busy with their hugs and problems, so this kept my mind busy here and there, but I couldnt' wait to get home. When I did finally make it home, I didn't expect he would be alive and he wasn't, he lay with his wings spread open and I felt my heart sink knowing that he was gone. I cried so much in the last two days that my eyes look like to ping pong balls. I think the worst part of this is that I can't talk to anyone about how I feel because they wouldn't understand, no one I know has budgies or any sort of bird for that matter. You'd be surprised how some people look at you especially when I've told a couple of family members that I spent grocery money to keep him going for almost 10 months extra since he's been slowly losing his health. To me it was worth every penny of having him with us for all those extra months. In his younger days, and even about two months ago he was so yappy, and crazy and animated, making all his silly noises and whistles and kissing sounds, and beating up his toys..lol...God how I miss that so much. After he died I was so angry for a time, I threw out all the vet instructions in the garbage, I marched outside and dumped all his seeds and nutri berries in the yard, washed his cage and all his things banging everything on to the sink to dry, through his night cover in the garbage and ripped up the avian vets phone number. Then I came upstairs to sign out of here for good and as I was doing so I stopped and started to cry, I wasn't ready to do this part, not yet anyway. I'm still not sure why I had that kind of reaction, but I did and today I'm calm just sad and thoughtful. My husband loved this bird to and together we took him out into the yard and lifted up a stone in our rock garden, he dug a hole for me and I put him there in a container with him on his soft cloth. We buried him and put the rock over the top where I plan to paint his name on the stone or something like that. I sat out there with my tea today staring at the rock crying like a baby again, the neighbours must think I'm daffy, but I guess I don't care right now. Anyway, this is helping me to write all this out here, and to say to all of you how much I appreciated the support, not just now but during the time he was dying, I so much needed it as I was here alone with Pee wee. Bless you all.
Last edited by louara; 05-17-2012 at 07:44 PM.
My condolences on your loss of Pee Wee.
9 years is a long life for a budgie and of course he became part of your family during that time. Losing a family member is never easy. You did all you could for him. Never mind the "looks" people give us when we tell them how much we care for these little ones. I feel sorry for them to have never known that kind of love.
RIP Pee Wee.
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time dealing with your loss... these little guys wiggle their way into our lives and hearts so easy... and it is so devastating to lose them ( or any beloved pet ). I understand how you feel... I lost a less than 3 year old budgie a couple of weeks ago ( I may of told you in another thread ) I held him in my hand while he was gently euthanized and he slipped away. I understand you could not be with him , but there is no need for guilt... he was quiet and peaceful and slipped away to the rainbow bridge . He was an old timer and it was his time for you to let him go... the pain you feel now is a natural feeling that means just how much you loved your little guy.. cry if you must... hurt if you have to then remember the good times and the things that made him so special to you... and after a while the pain will be gone and his memory will bring you smiles at who he was and what he did instead of tears because he is gone... Bless you ... I hope you are ok.
Now I am crying..for both PeeWee and Drini! I am so sorry! He sounded like a great little friend! I don't think I'll sleep for a while..
Well, Rip Peewee! Fly high and always know that you will be reunited one day with you dear Kim!
I couldnt help but to tear when I read all your grievance over Pee Wee. Yes, all the other ppl won't understand how we feel. To us, they hv soul and they suppose to live for being loved, happiness n fun. ppl wont understand how sad for us to see this innocent soul hv to suffer and feeling deppressed .
Well, I personally dont much advice dealing with this. I also spent the whole one week mourning over an escaped budgie.
Probably to hv a temporary getaway or make urself super busy with work can help u to shorten thesad time. I agreed that looking at the relavant items such as an empty cage can be really saddening. Perhaps just change the furnishing a bit or etc.
Well Kim, u deserved a good cry n the release of ur emotion for a proper grieving. We all are here for u
Pee Wee knows that u love him so much n he has a irreplaceble space in ur heart. Wonderful 9 yrs he has with u, he will hv no regrets.
Fly free fly high, sweet Pee Wee. No more in pain.
__________________ Congratulation to Baaji for BOTM February
Many thanks to SPBudgie(Ollie) for the wonderful siggy!
I'm so sorry you are feeling so much pain and guilt right now.
PeeWee knew how much you loved him - please try to let go of the guilt for having to go to work that morning. You spent time with him, told him you loved him, petted him and he soaked all that love up and was basking in it as he gently drifted off to the Rainbow Bridge.
It's so hard to let go of our beloved animals. They become part of us and we miss them so much when they are gone. In time you will hopefully be able to focus on the good times and all the wonderful things you did with little PeeWee and those memories will bring you peace and joy.
Feel free to PM me at anytime if you want to talk about your little fellow.