Hi there and
to the forums :yay:
We're glad to have you on the forums! There's a lot of information on the best budgie practices and care around here, so please be sure to review the many articles and "stickies" (threads "stuck" to the top of each subforum for easy reference) to ensure you're up to date on everything. If you have any questions after doing so, please be sure to ask as we'd be happy to help.
Now, back to Haven - first, budgies actually don't like being held. When she was younger, she complied with being held (do you mean sitting on people's hands or actually being held in your hand?), but now she's more independent and since you always insisted on holding her, she grew to not like your hand in the cage. Her cage is her "safe space" and you should NOT invade her privacy by reaching into her cage, especially since she's so averse to it. It will lead to skittishness and she won't want to come out of her cage at all, and any trust you may have built with her over the years will be even more broken
I think you should take this approach:
First, you have to show her that your hand isn't a threat, and isn't going to make her do something she doesn't want to do. If you offer her a food she likes or some millet (sparingly!) through the cage bars, when she comes over to eat it, praise her extensively and tell her what a good girl she is. When she does this readily you can rest your hand next to her cage until she's not bothered by that, and finally putting your hand on the cage bars with no food just to show her that you're not going to try and grab her.
Second, to get her to be more social, she's going to have to enjoy spending time with you - touching a budgie is not at all the only way to interact with them, and in fact, is probably the least ideal
Instead, read to her, talk out loud to her, play quiet music and sit with her, etc. She'll see you as a member of her flock instead of as a potential threat.
I don't think you should get another budgie at this time. Even if you did, there's no guarantee that they would get along. Additionally, a new budgie means you'd have to have space for quarantine, you'd have to get a much larger cage (which is probably about $100 already!) and be financially prepared to pay for any unexpected vet bills, etc.
Also, girls can get along with each other! Many people think it's a rule that female budgies fight (and this is the information that's perpetuated around the internet) but in fact many females live together quite well. It's mostly related to their personalities
I think that you can rebuild your relationship with Haven if you take a different approach. I think that she'll come out of her shell more if you do!
Here's a few threads you might find interesting:
Please keep us posted on how things are going! We hope to see you around